i need to start opening up, i need to start believing in myself, Believing in others. i need to start allowing people into my world, my mind and my feelings. i need to understand that not everyone is going to fuck me up. im sorry gorgeous but thats easier said than done for me, ive been put down my every fucking person i love and i now feel nothing for myself, ive been made to believe im not worth fuck all by everyone i care about. ive been let down by every individual i have cared about, they have promised so much and never carried their promises through. So no i dont believe in my self or in others, i dont trust and yh its shit but im trying im really trying for you. i dont open up, because every time ive opened up in the past ive been judged, ive been fucked over, and ive been made to look like the fool. i dont allow people into my world, mind or feelings, because every time i do everytime i fucking let someone in and care about them, something happens and their gone, ive lost every person i have ever cared about, the three main men in my life are gone, just when i started to open up and let them in, so no i cant talk about emotions and feelings, because if i do i have that great uncertenty that you might leave. i feel if i keep all this crap to myself i have more of a chance of you sticking around, because you wont realise how fucked up i really i am, i cant deal with the pain of trusting anyone else and them leaving of their own backs or any other reason i just cant do it, im sorry if that’s not what you wanted expected or needed, but i fucking try i really do, but its taken so long to get to wear i am, and its going to take longer to get to the place and person you want me to be. Every one looks at me and sees this strong independent young girl, when really im nothing more than a scared little girl terrified of opening up with fear of getting hurt. Fuck you, you aint worth shit!